Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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