Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
