Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
