That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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