Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
