I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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