Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
