Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
