It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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