Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
