It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
