My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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