I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
