fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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