I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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