you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
