There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
