Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
