PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
