The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
