my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
