I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
