a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She's not a foreskin expert like you
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
