If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
