I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
