so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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