I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
