Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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