it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
