What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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