Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
