There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
