Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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