I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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