So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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