had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
