Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
