i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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