i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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