Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
