# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Randomize
