omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
