Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
