Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
