It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
