Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
