if you like me you must not know who I am
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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