WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
