I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
