I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
