Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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