I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
