just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
