I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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