Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He passed out mid-signature
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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