youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
